Dealing with Pre-Match Day Anxieties

So, you made it through initial applications, killed it at your interviews, and managed to not go insane trying to rank your programs, but now you’re stuck in the limbo between submitting your rankings and Match Day. Well, don’t worry; at the very least let me reassure you that you are not alone.

In all honesty, I have been struggling to deal with the feeling of doing nothing during this period of what feels more like purgatory than limbo. The reality is, there is nothing that I can do right now. I’ve done everything I could to prepare myself for applications, and I did my best to try to show the programs exactly who I was and why my career goals were worth investing in, but now it’s out of my hands. I think the worst part of waiting has to be the fact that I can’t plan anything until after Match Day. I would love to make plans for my summer, weekend trips and how I will choose to spend my time, but all of that is on hold until April 26.

Imagine being as carefree as Mowgli is in this photo...

The past few days have been increasingly difficult for my anxiety; as the countdowns hit single digits, I’ve been going through every possible scenario in my head, and I’ve found myself spiraling more often because of it (it also doesn’t help that Avengers: Endgame comes out on Match Day, which has me emotionally wrecked for entirely different reasons). I’m not very good at grounding myself, but as a crisis counselor, I am quite good at helping others ground themselves. So, in an effort to ground myself, I decided to write down some of my anxieties and respond to them as if I were counseling myself.

***

My Anxiety: I can’t handle the waiting. It feels like that scene in Burnt (great flick starring Bradley Cooper), where the main character says that if he doesn’t get his Michelin stars there will be death, destruction, and the four horsemen of the apocalypse. That’s how I feel about Match Day.

Know this, regardless of what happens on Match Day, the world will keep turning, you will still be here. It’s understandable to be anxious about this; after all you put in so much hard work to get to this place. But, no matter what happens on Match Day, you cannot take away all of the growth and learning that you’ve done in the past year and a half. Take a moment and look back at where you were a year and a half ago–look how far you’ve come! Reflect on all of the amazing people you’ve met during your journey and everything they’ve taught you. Think about how badly you want this–isn’t it nice to know that you feel so passionate about something? To know that this is what you want to, and are meant to do? Two years ago, you were anxious about not knowing what you wanted to do with you life, and look at where you are now! You found the place and path you are meant to take! Celebrate the fact that you are so emotionally invested because you found the thing you’re meant to do because two years ago, you didn’t even know what this looked like.

My Anxiety: What if I don’t get in? What if I didn’t do enough? What if I should have gotten more shadowing hours?

There is nothing you can do right now. You’ve done everything you could in the past year and a half to prepare yourself for this application cycle, and you did so much! Remember, programs factor in so much more than your experience and grades, like your personality and how well they think you would fit their program, and even how you would get along with other possible students in this year’s cohort. Also, keep in mind that you are so much than what those programs know about you. They only know who you are on paper, and for the 15-30 minutes that they spent speaking with you. You have 23 years of experience that can’t be boiled down into neat little sections on your CV or can be addressed in a 15-minute conversation. You are enough, you’ve done enough, and if you don’t get in, you’ll do more. You will keep moving forward because this is what you want. To be a genetic counselor is exactly what you’ve wanted to do since you were 17 years old, you just didn’t know what it was called yet. If you don’t get in, you have more time to do more public outreach, volunteer with causes that you feel passionate about, learn more about the field, and grow in ways that you can’t even imagine right now. Looking into the abyss is terrifying, and you know this feeling well, but each time you’ve felt this way, you’ve always kept moving forward. You’ve put one foot in front of the other until the abyss started to look more and more clear. And each time you’ve had to do that, it’s gotten less and less scary, and if you have to do it again, you will because charging into the unknown is scary but each time you do it, you look back and are glad that you did.

My Anxiety: …

Be kinder to yourself. Remember how much everyone believes in you, because they can see how much you’ve accomplished in the past year and a half. No matter what happens on April 26^th, nothing that you’ve done will have been a waste. Your programs know that you want to be a genetic counselor. If there is one thing you have plenty of, it’s passion. You wear your heart on your sleeve, and that’s really useful when trying to show people exactly who you are in just 15-minutes. Remember, you got the interviews, which means that you are qualified to be a genetic counseling student. It’s scary to not be in control, but you have done everything you can to show programs exactly who you are, and there is no doubt in my mind that they got a good sense of your passion for the field and your compassion for others. It’s okay to be anxious, that’s only natural, but don’t let those anxieties convince you that you are anything less than what you’ve grown to become. You are enough.

***

So, that was extremely cathartic for me. In all honestly, I felt infinitely better after the first paragraph. Although it isn’t exactly how I would speak to someone as a crisis counselor, it was really helpful for me to step back from my anxiety and acknowledge that those intrusive thoughts were not my reality. Hopefully you find some of the things I told myself helpful, and maybe you can try this exercise for yourself! I just want to close this by letting you all know that you are not alone and we are going to get through this limbo period together.

I hope you all do something extremely nice for yourself on April 26^th (and if you’re seeing Avengers: Endgame, don’t talk to me because I won’t be seeing it until April 29^th).