Dealing with Pre-Match Day Anxieties
So, you made it through initial applications, killed it at
your interviews, and managed to not go insane trying to rank your programs, but
now you’re stuck in the limbo between submitting your rankings and Match Day. Well,
don’t worry; at the very least let me reassure you that you are not alone.
In all honesty, I have been struggling to deal with the
feeling of doing nothing during this period of what feels more like purgatory
than limbo. The reality is, there is nothing that I can do right now. I’ve done everything I could to prepare myself
for applications, and I did my best to try to show the programs exactly who I
was and why my career goals were worth investing in, but now it’s out of my
hands. I think the worst part of waiting has to be the fact that I can’t plan
anything until after Match Day. I would love to make plans for my summer,
weekend trips and how I will choose to spend my time, but all of that is on
hold until April 26.
The past few days have been increasingly difficult for my
anxiety; as the countdowns hit single digits, I’ve been going through every
possible scenario in my head, and I’ve found myself spiraling more often
because of it (it also doesn’t help that Avengers:
Endgame comes out on Match Day, which has me emotionally wrecked for entirely
different reasons). I’m not very good at grounding myself, but as a crisis
counselor, I am quite good at helping others ground themselves. So, in an
effort to ground myself, I decided to write down some of my anxieties and
respond to them as if I were counseling myself.
Imagine being as carefree as Mowgli is in this photo... |
***
My Anxiety: I can’t
handle the waiting. It feels like that scene in Burnt (great flick starring
Bradley Cooper), where the main character
says that if he doesn’t get his Michelin stars there will be death,
destruction, and the four horsemen of the apocalypse. That’s how I feel about
Match Day.
Know this, regardless of what happens on Match Day, the
world will keep turning, you will still be here. It’s understandable to be
anxious about this; after all you put in so much hard work to get to this
place. But, no matter what happens on Match Day, you cannot take away all of
the growth and learning that you’ve done in the past year and a half. Take a
moment and look back at where you were a year and a half ago–look how far
you’ve come! Reflect on all of the amazing people you’ve met during your
journey and everything they’ve taught you. Think about how badly you want
this–isn’t it nice to know that you feel so passionate about something? To know
that this is what you want to, and are meant to do? Two years ago, you were
anxious about not knowing what you wanted to do with you life, and look at where
you are now! You found the place and path you are meant to take! Celebrate the
fact that you are so emotionally invested because you found the thing you’re
meant to do because two years ago, you didn’t even know what this looked like.
My Anxiety: What if I
don’t get in? What if I didn’t do enough? What if I should have gotten more
shadowing hours?
There is nothing you can do right now. You’ve done
everything you could in the past year and a half to prepare yourself for this
application cycle, and you did so much! Remember, programs factor in so much
more than your experience and grades, like your personality and how well they
think you would fit their program, and even how you would get along with other
possible students in this year’s cohort. Also, keep in mind that you are so
much than what those programs know about you. They only know who you are on
paper, and for the 15-30 minutes that they spent speaking with you. You have 23
years of experience that can’t be boiled down into neat little sections on your
CV or can be addressed in a 15-minute conversation. You are enough, you’ve done
enough, and if you don’t get in, you’ll do more. You will keep moving forward
because this is what you want. To be a genetic counselor is exactly what you’ve
wanted to do since you were 17 years old, you just didn’t know what it was
called yet. If you don’t get in, you have more time to do more public outreach,
volunteer with causes that you feel passionate about, learn more about the
field, and grow in ways that you can’t even imagine right now. Looking into the
abyss is terrifying, and you know this feeling well, but each time you’ve felt
this way, you’ve always kept moving forward. You’ve put one foot in front of
the other until the abyss started to look more and more clear. And each time
you’ve had to do that, it’s gotten less and less scary, and if you have to do it again, you will
because charging into the unknown is scary but each time you do it, you look
back and are glad that you did.
My Anxiety: …
Be kinder to yourself. Remember how much everyone believes
in you, because they can see how much you’ve accomplished in the past year and
a half. No matter what happens on April 26th, nothing that you’ve
done will have been a waste. Your programs know that you want to be a genetic
counselor. If there is one thing you have plenty of, it’s passion. You wear
your heart on your sleeve, and that’s really useful when trying to show people
exactly who you are in just 15-minutes. Remember, you got the interviews, which
means that you are qualified to be a
genetic counseling student. It’s scary to not be in control, but you have done
everything you can to show programs exactly who you are, and there is no doubt
in my mind that they got a good sense of your passion for the field and your
compassion for others. It’s okay to be anxious, that’s only natural, but don’t
let those anxieties convince you that you are anything less than what you’ve
grown to become. You are enough.
***
So, that was extremely cathartic for me. In all honestly, I
felt infinitely better after the first paragraph. Although it isn’t exactly how
I would speak to someone as a crisis counselor, it was really helpful for me to
step back from my anxiety and acknowledge that those intrusive thoughts were
not my reality. Hopefully you find some of the things I told myself helpful,
and maybe you can try this exercise for yourself! I just want to close this by
letting you all know that you are not alone and we are going to get through
this limbo period together.
I hope you all do something extremely nice for yourself on
April 26th (and if you’re seeing Avengers:
Endgame, don’t talk to me because I won’t be seeing it until April 29th).
I hope you continue to be kind to yourself and grow in your passionate pursuit of this field. I hope you do make weekend plans and some summer plans regardless. I had worried just like you have, that feeling that my "life is on pause I can't decide anything until notification day."
ReplyDeleteI would say no matter where you go, no matter what happens you will want those weekend trips with family and friends. You may feel like you can't make plans, but you can. You will want your support system near you and you will need time with the people who make you feel happy and loved either way. So do make plans and think about the future (irrespective of where you'll be in August or what is revealed on April 26th). No matter where you go, you'll probably want to wait to move until July at the very least, (often even later than that) so do try and enjoy your summer!
Thank you so much for your kind words! You are so right, and it can be hard to remember that in the thick of it all. <3
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